Saturday, May 28, 2011

Story

Hey guys i'm writing a book... maybe i should post it on here... heres a sneek peek you might not like it though:

Chapter One

Zaro just sat there listening to a rant on the Gold Rush, unaware that in five minutes his whole life would change. His life would be even harder than it is now. You see, Zaro’s dad left him and his mom when he was 2 and his mother was never home. She was either at a club or drunk somewhere. He never had a parental figure to learn from so he was not the most polite person and was not very comfortable with other people. But now his mother said he could go to school and he was getting more people friendly.

Just as their teacher, Mr. Wimsy, was talking about their homework assignment, the bell rang. History was the sixth period so that meant school was over. Everyone got their homework, picked up their bags, and left, except for Zaro. The reason was, all the other kids would go home and watch TV or hang out with their friends. But Zaro couldn’t do those things. He only had one friend, Jake. Jake was his friend because he doesn’t judge people on what they wear or how rich they are, he judges them on personality.

Zaro got up and walked slowly over to Mr. Wimsy.

“Need someone to take you home?” asked Mr. Wimsy, sounding tired.

“Yeah, but its not like anyone at this school is going to drive me home. They all hate me,” said Zaro, irritated that this was the truth.

“Well… Well I guess I…” Mr. Wimsy seemed like he was trying to offer Zaro something, but couldn’t quite get it out. “I guess I could give you a ride home.”

Zaro was so shocked he almost fell over. Mr. Wimsy hated Zaro, so why would he offer him a ride?

There must be some kind of catch, some angle… thought Zaro, but a ride is a ride.

“Sure,” Zaro replied.

As Zaro walked into the parking lot, the stench of smog reached his nose but he was used to it. As he opened the door of Mr. Wimsy’s red pickup truck, he smelled something like old pizza trying to be masked by the small pine tree air freshener. As he sat on the seat, he was surprised with what it felt like, considering the messiness of the rest of the car, and that they were quite comfortable. But maybe it was just him. You see, he didn’t have a bed so he slept on the floor. He didn’t have any chairs besides the ones that would break with only the weight of a pebble. So it could have been filled with newspaper and Zaro would feel the same way. Mr. Wimsy put the keys in the ignition and turned them but the car didn’t start. He turned them again and again until, on the fourth try, the car finally started.

2 comments:

  1. So far, I think it's good. :) Although the 'you see' I'm not sure should be there. It's like you're talking directly to the reader, and in a story that's not most advisable. For the most part you seem to be going for describing the story, and talking to the reader suddenly breaks that image and causes the reader to be confused. Does that make sense?

    But so far, I'm interested to see what happens next! Great start!

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  2. Thank you so much! that means alot. WhiskFang really does NOT like it

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